From next-day delivery to kids’ TV shows on demand, have we forgotten how to wait for … anything? The good news is that patience is a skill that can be cultivated – by parents and children alike. Here’s how

Your kids want to know why their new book (ordered 18 hours ago) is “taking so long” and need you “NOW” because Netflix “isn’t loading” (it “tu-dums” milliseconds later). For parents who had dial-up internet, endless TV adverts and long car journeys soundtracked by Dad’s AM Test cricket, modern kids’ inability to be patient can feel galling. Except, with our Deliveroo habit and boiling-water taps (who has time for a kettle?), we can be just as bad.

“Our environment and culture has trained our nervous systems to expect immediacy,” says Anna Mathur, psychotherapist and author of How to Stop Snapping at the People You Love (As Well As the Ones You Don’t). “The issue is our brains are plastic; they adapt to the level of easy dopamine we’ve got at our fingertips.” Our brains are changing, confirms child psychologist Dr Michele McDowell: “A recent study indicated the brain instantly responds to notifications and takes seven seconds to refocus. Consequently, the brain is becoming overstimulated and is increasingly more responsive. Over time, this erodes the brain’s capacity to tolerate waiting and to be patient. So each time your phone pings, it’s reshaping your mind’s ability to wait.”

I remember my own parents constantly reminding me that “Patience is a virtue!” Are today’s kids really worse than we were? Yes, and no, says clinical psychologist and co-founder of Kove mental health services Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee: “Children aren’t inherently less patient, but in a world where things happen very quickly, they may have fewer opportunities to practise waiting, persisting and working towards longer-term goals. Patience is a skill, and like any skill it develops with experience.”

It’s essential to develop that skill – because it’s a necessary one. “Patience underpins so much of life,” says Mathur. “It supports frustration, tolerance, empathy, long-term goal setting and emotional regulation.”

With that in mind, here’s how you can help build your kids’ patience – and your own.

Model it

Most experts say parents modelling patience is the surest way for kids to learn. Mathur suggests saying things like, “I feel frustrated. I’m going to take a breath before I answer,” or evidencing longer stretches of waiting – for example, “I would love to buy this dress, but I’m going to wait until payday.” Children are always watching: “The next time you’re waiting in line and are about to reach for your phone to fill the gap, don’t – model the art of nothingness,” advises McDowell. Finally, when you see them make the effort, celebrate it. Headspace family therapist Sarah Hodges explains: “Kids repeat what gets acknowledged, so naming their effort increases the chances they’ll try again next time.”

Build your own capacity

“Patience isn’t a personality trait; it’s actually a nervous system state,” says Mathur. “We need a buffer, a bit of energy that allows our cognitive brain to stay online. If we don’t have that, our amygdala – the threat system – perceives noise, discomfort or challenge as a threat and we are fuelled with stress hormones that find us reacting instead of responding.”

So, if you’re hoping to be more patient, “Build capacity before you need it. We often try to summon patience when we’re already at breaking point – build it proactively by planning.” Try things you know fill your personal battery, such as enforcing sleep boundaries or spending time outside to increase stress tolerance ahead of a patience-testing event, whether that be a difficult work meeting or dealing with a person you know can trigger you.

Practise the ‘patience of a vicar’

Forget the patience of a saint, the Rev Kate Bottley says she has honed her skills in hospital visits, long conversations with parishioners – and parenting: “It’s about surrendering” to situations, such as being stuck with someone telling you a long story you’ve heard before, and that it’s as much a physical act as a mental one. “You have to accept where you are. You feel your feet on the ground and listen more intently to the person that’s speaking,” she says. “Once you stop fighting it, things seem to go quicker anyway, because you’re not in the battle with yourself.”

Normalise waiting

When was the last time your kids had to wait for something, asks Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist and psychotherapist in parenting, device use and child development. In her work with schools she is increasingly seeing older children unable to even queue. “Normalise waiting for everything and anything, where safe and appropriate,” she says. “If they want an answer from you straight away but you’re in the middle of doing something, tell them that you’re busy but will discuss the matter with them when you’ve finished the task.” She says parents who have stopped kids using screens at mealtimes“noticed a dramatic improvement in their communication skills, tolerance for loud environments and boredom, and patience”.

Headteacher Sean Helliwell-Kenny agrees. When he was teaching early years, he set up enticing new play areas and made kids wait days until it could be used. “They’d be itching to get into these areas, and by developing their patience skills they treated those areas well, played correctly in them and tidied them, because they had waited so long to finally get in there,” he says.

Walk it out

Journalist Kathryn Jezer-Morton’s parenting column went viral in January, when she resolved to make 2026 the year of “friction-maxxing” for her family – “the process of building up tolerance for ‘inconvenience’” in a world that offers the opposite. She advises prioritising walking. “My 12-year-old walks around by himself all the time,” she says. “He walks himself home from his friends who live 20 minutes away. I could go pick him up, but I don’t want him to expect that I always will. No Ubers unless it’s an absolute emergency. For little kids, just walking accompanied by an adult, instead of driving everywhere, is a great start. Stamina of the body and stamina of the mind are not totally unrelated.”

Resist problem-solving

It’s worth considering whether your helicopter parenting is removing opportunities for learning patience. “One of the most powerful things parents can do is resist solving problems too quickly,” says Vyas-Lee. “When a child says, ‘I can’t do this,’ instead of stepping in immediately, it can help to say something like, ‘Let’s try one more step together.’ That small pause gives children the chance to work through frustration and discover they can cope with difficulty. It’s also helpful to talk openly about frustration. Let children know that feeling impatient when something is hard is completely normal; it’s part of learning.”

Use props

“Young children struggle with abstract time,” says Mathur, so use props such as visual timers. Hodges also recommends clear timelines, such as “after dinner”.

“I use music with my kids,” she says. “Try: ‘After three songs we will …’ Music gives them something concrete to track, helps shift their focus, and gets their bodies moving while they wait. That movement can help release built-up energy, regulate their nervous system, and significantly decrease frustration during the wait.”

Mathur also suggests building patience into games: “For instance, who can stay quiet the longest, or spot the most red things in the room while you wait.” She adds: “Playfulness shifts the brain out of frustration and makes the wait feel shorter.”

McDowell says stories like The Hungry Caterpillar or ‘Slowly, Slowly, Slowly’ Said the Sloth can illustrate patience and appreciating slowness. She also suggests using the “if/then” method. Try saying, “If you finish your chores, then you can play.” Or, “If you read one chapter, then you can use the PlayStation.” She adds: “Every time a child is able to stop before taking an action they are developing their ability to be patient.”

Meditation

Meditation could be a key tool for expanding your patience, reducing stress by settling down your nervous system. Jillian Lavender, a co-founder of the London Meditation Centre, especially favours Vedic meditation – the practice involves a mantra that is repeated silently or quietly to bring your mind back to stillness. She says it can work well with children: “When I teach Vedic meditation to children, they settle down very quickly. The first thing you notice is the change in their body. Children who were restless and fidgety are quiet and settled within minutes. They come out feeling calm and are more able to be patient when things don’t go as planned.”

Be realistic

While parents can do a lot, then, it’s important to know what is realistic, developmentally, for kids. If nothing else, it might help your patience with their progress. “A baby requires immediate access to their caregivers, but as they mature, their brain develops and so does the tolerance to regulate their emotions around having to wait,” says McDowell. “This is a main focus of play-based learning – to support a child to wait their turn and understand that it is OK to not receive something immediately. By the age of seven, it is expected that most children understand the concept of patience and are beginning to put it into practice.”

“Patience is developmental,” agrees Mathur. “Young children are not wired for long delays because the brain regions involved in self-regulation are still maturing well into the 20s.”

Interrogate your impatience

Don’t necessarily just scold yourself for your own impatience – it could be a sign that something needs attention, says Mathur. Interrogate where it’s coming from to try to fix the source, whether that’s overload, lack of sleep or a deeper situation at home or work. “When we respond to those signals with curiosity and compassion instead of shame, we can create more space between trigger and reaction,” she says.

The Guardian

Research increasingly shows that everyday lifestyle choices, including diet, play an important role in preserving brain health as we age.

Studies suggest the MIND diet, for example, can slow cognitive decline and reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. (MIND is short for Mediterranean-DASH Diet Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay.)

Evidence connecting the healthy dietary pattern to long‑term changes in brain structure is sparse, but a new study published in the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery & Psychiatry strengthens the case for the MIND diet’s cognitive benefits.

Closer adherence was associated with slower progression of key brain structural changes that are widely recognized as markers of brain aging.

Here’s what to know about the research, plus a breakdown of the MIND diet.

Here are the best diets to ward off cognitive decline

About the latest research

For the study, published March 17, participants were drawn from the Framingham Heart Study Offspring cohort, a second-generation arm of the landmark U.S. Framingham Heart Study, which launched in 1948.

The ancillary study involved 1,647 middle-aged and older adults who were tracked for about 12 years on average.

Participants completed detailed dietary questionnaires, underwent at least two brain MRI assessments between 1999 and 2019 and were free of dementia and stroke at their first brain MRI.

Researchers used their dietary intake data to calculate MIND diet scores. These ranged from 0 to 15, with a higher score indicating closer adherence.

What is the MIND diet?

The MIND diet, focused on protecting the aging brain, was developed by researchers at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.

The diet combines elements of the Mediterranean and the DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) diets. It also targets specific foods and nutrients that past studies linked to brain protection.

The dietary pattern emphasizes nutrient-dense whole plant foods, plentiful in antioxidants and anti-inflammatory phytochemicals, and limits foods associated with vascular risk and accelerated brain aging, such as red and processed meats, as well as foods high in added sugars and saturated fat.

What the new study found

Greater adherence to the MIND diet was consistently linked to slower brain atrophy over the 12-year follow-up period. Specifically, participants had a slower loss of grey matter, the part of the brain involved in thinking, memory, information processing and decision-making.

Each three-point increase in the MIND diet score was associated with 20-per-cent less grey matter shrinkage, equivalent to a 2½-year delay in brain aging over the study period.

Brain imaging also identified slower enlargement of brain ventricles among participants with higher scores, which equated to about one less year of brain aging. Ventricles in the brain are fluid-filled spaces that expand to fill the void left when brain tissue atrophies.

Stronger associations were observed in older participants, suggesting greater benefits among those at higher risk of brain aging.

Protective effects were also more pronounced in people who were more physically active and in those with a healthy body weight, implying combining the MIND diet with other healthy lifestyle strategies provides greater value.

To arrive at these findings, the researchers adjusted for other risk factors including age, sex, education level, daily calorie intake, body mass index, physical activity and smoking status, as well as health factors such as depression, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

This was an observational study that identified associations; it did not prove that the MIND diet directly slows brain aging.

Even so, with more than a decade of observations, the findings provide additional support for the potential cognitive benefits of long‑term adherence to this brain-focused diet.

What to eat – and limit – on the MIND diet

The MIND diet has daily and weekly consumption guidelines for nine brain-healthy food groups.

Leafy greens such as spinach, kale and arugula are recommended daily (at least a half-cup cooked or one cup raw), as are other vegetables (at least one half-cup).

Other daily foods are whole grains (at least three half-cup servings) and olive oil (two tablespoons).

Brain‑healthy foods to eat weekly include berries (at least five half-cup servings), nuts (five one‑ounce servings), beans and legumes (at least three half-cup servings), fish (at least one three- to five‑ounce serving) and poultry (at least two three- to five‑ounce servings).

The diet also puts limits on five brain-unhealthy food groups.

These include red and processed meats (no more than three servings a week), butter and stick margarine (no more than one teaspoon a day, or seven teaspoons a week) and full‑fat cheese (no more than one small serving a week, about one ounce).

Pastries and sweets should be limited to no more than four small servings a week and fried or fast foods to no more than one meal a week.

You don’t have to follow the MIND diet perfectly. Even moderate adherence has been associated with cognitive benefits in observational studies.

Leslie Beck’s tips for healthy living

THE BEST OVERALL DIET: Anti-inflammatory eating plans like the Mediterranean or DASH diet can fight inflammation in the body, lowering the chance of it contributing to a host of chronic illnesses.

GET ENOUGH PROTEIN: Protein is a muscle-building, wound-healing nutrient that can help boost your immune system. For optimal health, distribute your protein intake throughout the day, add plant-based options such as beans, nuts and seeds, whole grains and dairy alternatives such as soy milk to your diet.

VEGETABLES TO EAT: Three vegetable and two fruit servings a day is a secret to longevity. Try a fruit-rich smoothie at breakfast, chop kale, spinach or other dark green leafy vegetables into a soup at dinner, and trade the ultra-processed options like a granola bar for snacks like carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes or bell peppers with hummus. Is your diet missing any of these 25 longevity-boosting foods?

EAT CHEAP (AND HEALTHY): Here’s how to find the cheapest sources of nutrition, plus more tips to save on groceries. Make at-home meals easier by keeping your pantry and freezer stocked with options like edamame, green peas and avocado.

Leslie Beck, a Toronto-based private practice dietitian, is director of food and nutrition at Medcan.

The Globe and Mail

Anything to do with pregnancy can sometimes feel like a crash course in withstanding uncertainty. From getting pregnant in the first place to avoiding complications later on, any parent-to-be is forced to reckon with the limits of their own control.

The stats around this are worth emphasising: about one in seven couples in the UK will have difficulty conceiving. About one in eight known pregnancies will end in a loss. And as many as 29% of low-risk pregnancies will experience some kind of unforeseen complication. Often there’s no rhyme or reason to any of this. “You can do everything ‘right’ and still face delays. That’s biology, not failure,” says Dr Linda Farahani, a consultant gynaecologist and specialist in reproductive medicine at the Lister Fertility Clinic in Chelsea, London.

All this said, leaving your fertility to the whims of chance may feel unnecessarily fatalistic. If you’ve spent any time in the wilds of the “trying to conceive” (TTC) community, you’ve probably heard of something called “trimester zero”. Simply put, this is the period before you get pregnant, when you try to prepare your body for a healthy outcome. There are no guarantees. But according to an army of “pregnancy prep” influencers, there’s plenty you can do to maximise your odds of success.

What exactly is trimester zero?

Pregnancy is divided into three trimesters, each with its own signature characteristics (for example, morning sickness in the first trimester; a short-lived burst of energy in the second; feeling like you’ve swallowed a bowling ball in the third). Some people talk about the fourth trimester, too: the initial postpartum period in which parents and babies adjust to this disorienting new stage of life.

Trimester zero, then, is the stage of pregnancy that occurs before you actually conceive. If this sounds odd, then tell that to public health agencies in the US, who have historically advised women of reproductive age to behave as if they were already expecting. In fact, the term Zero Trimester was coined by sociology professor Miranda Waggoner, whose 2017 book of the same name explored the rights and wrongs of this kind of pre-pregnancy healthcare. “Women are thought of as reproductive vessels by default,” she wrote.

These days, however, trimester zero has a different connotation. It refers to the window of time in which a person is actively trying to conceive – maybe three months to a year – as opposed to being some natural state of womanhood. And according to Farahani, it’s not an entirely ridiculous idea. “The idea of a trimester zero – a period before conception where you focus on optimising your health – can be genuinely helpful when framed sensibly,” she says.

One study found that fewer than 8% of women in the UK receive specific preconception care, such as being encouraged to take folic acid supplements. Many doctors think that figure is too low. “We know that optimising health before pregnancy can reduce the risk of complications such as pre-term labour and pre-eclampsia,” says Dr Lucy Hooper, a GP and co-founder of Coyne Medical, a private London clinic.

Why is it suddenly popular?

Pregnancy preparation is a very old idea, with many ancient cultures practising fertility rituals of some description. Recently, though, preconception has become an industry. Social media is bursting with naturopaths, life coaches, holistic health practitioners, influencers, doctors and self-proclaimed experts of every stripe, who purportedly know the secrets to trimester zero.

Their advice runs the gamut from the sensible (Eat well! Minimise stress!) to the questionable. One pregnancy prep doctor advises her 75,000 Instagram followers to avoid scented candles, polyester clothing and – perplexingly – “secular music”. Another recommends that women should focus on “high-quality skincare” and “simple drainage and circulation rituals”, while reading books “that expand inner authority and soften rigid self-pressure”.

Many of them are selling something, too. Take naturopathic doctor Dr Afrouz Demeri, who has established “the world’s most scientific seven-week online course to get you pregnant now”, and has trademarked the term “trimester zero”. She maintains that the preconception period is more critical than you can “possibly imagine”, not least because it’s “when your child’s DNA is being set up for success”. There’s also a thriving market for private blood tests that will assess your hormonal profile or nutritional deficiencies.

It’s easy to understand the appetite for solutions. More people than ever are experiencing fertility struggles, with a sharp increase in the number of babies born via IVF. Part of this is down to age – more of us are waiting longer to have children – although there have also been concerns about lifestyle factors and environmental toxins. (Cut to many an influencer telling us not to use non-stick pans.)

“Subfertility is far more complex than many people realise,” notes Farahani. “Age is a major factor, but ovulatory disorders such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, fibroids, and hormonal disorders such as thyroid disease are very common. On the male side, sperm quality can be affected by genetics, infections, heat exposure and lifestyle factors. Lifestyle absolutely plays a role, but it is one piece of a much larger puzzle.”

Of course, for every person who’s stuck in the trenches of #TTC, there are others who haven’t even started the process yet. A 2023 UK study found that almost half of 16- to 24-year-olds were worried about their future fertility, while a 2022 US study (admittedly conducted by a women’s health clinic) found that “at least four in five women experience some level of anxiety when thinking about their ability to get pregnant”. That’s a lot of people who might be in the market for hormonal health mentorship programmes or expensive beef liver supplements.

What does the evidence say?

Medics are in broad agreement here. There are certain things you can do to maximise the chances of a healthy pregnancy – but you’re not going to find the magic bullet scrolling on TikTok. In fact, the lifestyle factors with the strongest evidence base are relatively simple (read, boring). “They include maintaining an optimum weight, not smoking, reducing alcohol intake, managing stress, sleeping well and eating a varied, nutrient-dense diet. These behaviours support hormonal balance, ovulation and sperm development,” says Farahani.

Dr John Spicer, an NHS GP in south London, notes that the best overall advice is on theNHS website. “This includes taking folic acid – two different doses depending on any history of neural tube defects,” he says. “Anything more complicated, such as withdrawing medicines or not, and adverse medical histories, should be discussed with one’s GP or specialist.”

Currentadvice suggests that, if you’re trying to conceive, you should avoid alcohol consumption altogether. That’s partly due to the risks to a potential foetus, but also partly because it reduces the odds of conception – it interferes with ovulation in women and sperm count in men. And you don’t even need to be knocking back the tequilas: one study found that as few as three alcoholic drinks a week could make it harder to become pregnant.

Then there’s smoking, which is strongly linked with fertility problems. Continue to smoke once you’ve conceived, and your risk of complications rockets, including premature delivery and low birth weight. “It increases the risk of stillbirth by up to 47%. Supporting women to quit smoking can therefore have a profound positive impact,” says Hooper.

But other than staying generally healthy, and keeping on top of your medical appointments, there’s no need to micromanage your lifestyle too much. After all, chronic stress can affect fertility.

“Stress destroys hormonal balance and, as a consequence, is a reason for delayed ovulation or suboptimal sperm quality,” says Dr Gergana Peeva, an NHS consultant obstetrician and a medical expert for pregnancy and postnatal wellbeing platform Carea. “I have seen in my practice a lot of cases where lifestyle improvement and stress reduction have resulted in successful pregnancies.”

What should you be eating?

Nutrition is important, says Farahani, but not in the overprescriptive way social media often claims. For instance, there’s nothing to say that cutting out dairy or gluten will increase your chances of getting pregnant, unless you have an intolerance. “What research shows is that dietary patterns rich in whole foods, fibre, antioxidants and healthy fats are associated with better reproductive outcomes,” she says. “That doesn’t mean individual food rules or restriction. It’s about overall balance, not perfection.”

Brazil nuts are a good source of selenium. Photograph: MirageC/Getty Images

Jenna Hope, a registered nutritionist, suggests focusing on protein-rich foods to boost egg quality, and healthy fats such as salmon and avocado to support hormone function. “Key nutrients such as iron, folate, magnesium and selenium are also vital for promoting egg health,” she says. “Selenium is essential for the male partner too as it encourages movement from the sperm. Nuts, specifically Brazil nuts, are great sources. Green leafy vegetables should also feature heavily in the diet as they’re nutrient dense and rich in fibre.”

One 2018 study found that following a Mediterranean diet (rich in fruit, veg, legumes, whole grains, nuts and olive oil) improved success rates in younger women going through IVF. There is also evidence to suggest that processed red meat, caffeinated fizzy drinks and refined carbohydrates are bad for fertility when consumed in excess.

However, contrary to some sources, eating offal isn’t a preconception panacea. Calf’s liver contains extremely high levels of vitamin A, which can actually be harmful to an unborn baby.

Are there any supplements that work?

You should start taking folic acid as soon as you start trying to conceive, says Hooper, and keep going for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. There’s good reason for doing so: folic acid supplementation reduces the risk of neural tube defects like spina bifida by up to 72%. “Other deficiencies that should be corrected include iron, vitamin D, iodine and B vitamins,” she adds. “Omega-3 supplements are associated with a lower risk of pre-term delivery and may be worth considering if dietary intake is low.”

But apply a note of caution before you splash out for an influencer’s proprietary baby-making blend. “The supplement market is full of bold claims that simply don’t align with the evidence,” says Farahani. “A fertility specialist or GP can help you interpret what’s genuinely useful and what’s simply marketing.”

Is there anything else I need to think about?

You won’t see many TikTok reels lauding the benefits of booking an appointment with your GP. But in truth, trimester zero is a good time to do a health audit and tackle any medical admin you’ve been putting off.

“Midwives encourage anyone thinking about having a baby to start considering their health early on,” says Clare Livingstone, head of professional policy and practice at the Royal College of Midwives. “Small things like making sure your cervical screening and vaccinations are up to date, checking any medications with a healthcare professional and getting support to manage conditions like diabetes can make a real difference.”

This is particularly important if you’re older, notes Peeva, since the risk of certain pregnancy complications rises with age. “For more mature mums, blood pressure, diabetes screening and medication checks are key,” she says.

I want to get pregnant. Should I worry about any of this at all?

It depends on your psychological makeup. For every person who thrives on the element of control, there will be another who winds up feeling worse than ever – full of self-recrimination in the event that something goes wrong.

Fertility problems can affect anyone, including those with optimal lifestyles. That means, if conception is taking longer than expected, it’s important to seek support. “This isn’t because you’ve done something wrong, but because fertility is a medical issue like any other, and you deserve accurate information and compassionate care,” says Farahani.

You can knock back all the black sesame lattes you want, minimise blue light after dark, deal with your repressed emotions and replace your toxic kitchenware. But ultimately, getting pregnant is always going to involve a strong element of the unpredictable, however warm you keep your feet.

“For many patients, particularly those already feeling vulnerable, the notion that they must ‘perfect’ their lifestyle before trying to conceive can introduce unnecessary pressure,” says Farahani. “My concern would be that it can shift the focus from support to self-blame, and that’s the last thing anyone on a fertility journey needs.”

The Guardian