Things you should never say to someone with ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, is a developmental disorder that affects approximately 2–5% of adults worldwide. Symptoms of the condition usually appear before the age of 12, and those with ADHD typically demonstrate problems with concentration and sitting still, among other characteristics.

The misconceptions surrounding ADHD often provoke questions from uninformed people that can hurt the feelings of those with the disorder. So, what things should you never say to someone with ADHD?

Click through and learn more about the condition and the questions and comments you should never voice.

What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a developmental disorder the symptoms of which usually start before the age of 12

Consequences of ADHD

These symptoms involve a person’s ability to pay attention to things (being inattentive), having high energy levels (being hyperactive), and their ability to control their impulses (being impulsive).

Signs and symptoms

Signs and symptoms of ADHD in kids and teenagers include an inability to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings.

Overactive personality

A youngster who’s constantly fidgeting and displaying overactive physical movement may be demonstrating symptoms of ADHD.

Excessive personality

Excessive talking, interrupting conversations, and being unable to wait their turn is typical of people with ADHD.

Limited concentration

Difficulty in concentrating on tasks, even for short periods of time, is another sign that a person may have ADHD.

Hyperactive behavior

Not paying attention and being impulsive or overtly hyperactive are also symptoms associated with the conditio

Other character flaws

And finding it hard to listen to others, acting without thinking, or the incapacity to follow instructions are other character flaws linked to ADHD.

Treatment and management

Standard treatments for ADHD in adults typically involve medication, education, skills training, and psychological counseling.

Misconceptions and what not to say

But misconceptions about ADHD are common and can lead to even well-informed people sometimes using hurtful, unproductive comments and clichéd phrases when trying to be supportive of someone with the disorder.

Unproductive comments

Even if your intentions are good, some of these expressions can be terribly frustrating and even offensive to a person with an ADHD diagnosis.

“ADHD isn’t a real disorder”

For example, insisting that ADHD isn’t a real disorder can be very detrimental to someone with the condition.

“Isn’t everyone a little ADHD?”

Claiming that everyone is a little ADHD only compounds the issue and can be hurtful for several reasons. Flippantly describing everyone’s life experiences as “a little ADHD” implies that you have no idea of the serious difficulties that someone with ADHD faces every day.

“Everyone gets distracted sometimes”

Similarly, telling somebody with ADHD that everyone gets distracted once in a while can come across as very disparaging to a person struggling with the condition.

“ADHD is a problem only kids have”

ADHD was originally called “hyperkinetic reaction of childhood,” and historically was often seen as a childhood disorder that people grew out of. Advances in medical research have since determined that the condition can persist into adulthood. To claim that it’s a problem only kids have can create challenges for those with ADHD in school, at their workplace, and in their home lives.

“ADHD is just an excuse for not doing well at school”

Blaming someone diagnosed with ADHD for falling short academically is unfair and demonstrates a complete lack of understanding as to the complexities of the condition. ADHD is certainly not an excuse for not doing well at school. Instead, it’s something that affects your entire life in making decisions, completing tasks, and carrying out simple everyday things.

“People with ADHD are just less intelligent or lazy”

Similarly, anyone who believes people with ADHD are less intelligent or just lazy are failing to recognize that the condition affects their executive functions. These are skills that you use to manage everyday tasks like making plans, solving problems, and adapting to new situations. To accuse people with ADHD of not pulling their weight or being stupid is quite wrong and plainly inaccurate.

“Why can’t you just focus?”

A comment like “Why can’t you just focus” implies that concentrating is simply a matter of will power. But to say so totally disregards the neurological challenges that individuals with ADHD face. With ADHD, the inability to focus doesn’t mean a lack of desire to do so, and to be called out like this can make the person feel judged, frustrated, and misunderstood.

“You only focus on what you want to”

Conversely, some people with ADHD also experience what’s called “hyperfocus.” This refers to an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time, and happens with activities the person finds interesting or exciting. Telling someone with ADHD that they only focus on what they want to implies that they’re simply choosing not to focus on certain tasks, which is untrue.

“You don’t seem to have a problem focusing on TV/video games/mobile devices”

For example, the ADHD brain can focus for long periods on a television broadcast or video game. But telling someone that they don’t appear to have a problem doing so is to miss the point and the complex reasons behind the phenomenon known as hyperfocus.

“You aren’t even trying”

ADHD can also cause hyperfocus on the negatives. “You aren’t even trying” is a common response by those who assume that someone with the condition just isn’t pulling their socks up. And the worst aspect of this accusation is that a person can start believing it themselves.

“You just need to be a better listener”

For adults with ADHD, listening can be a challenge. Inattention and being easily distracted are two well-known symptoms of the condition that make focusing on a conversation or a lecture doubly difficult.

“It’s not that big of a deal”

For adults and children alike, being told that ADHD is not serious can be upsetting and, frankly, insulting. The consequences of living with ADHD can cause a huge amount of distress to those diagnosed with the condition.

“You don’t need extra time, you just need to work faster”

ADHD can at times be totally overwhelming. So much so that it can take forever to get just one thing done. This is due to what’s known as “sluggish cognitive tempo,” the result of under-arousal in the part of the brain associated with focus and planning. Anyone who believes those with ADHD should work faster needs to step back and allow them more time to accomplish tasks.

“Stop overreacting”

Emotional imbalance is a core ADHD symptom. Being told to stop overreacting only serves to further fuel this kind of response in people with the condition. Even the smallest of setbacks and challenges can make someone react disproportionately.

“You’re trying to be difficult”

To the uneducated eye, people with ADHD can appear as if they’re behaving the way they do to bother you, as if on purpose. But they are not trying to make you mad or interrupt you. It’s just that their brains simply work differently. They are not trying to be difficult.

“How could you forget about something so important?”

To accuse a person with ADHD of forgetfulness is to dismiss a fundamental symptom of the condition. The ADHD brain tends to process information in a disorganized manner. While people with ADHD do their best to remember, obligation and responsibility often fall through th

“Have you tried using a to-do list/planner?”

Even the best intentions can backfire. Ordinarily a reasonable question to ask, suggesting that someone with ADHD should trying using a to-do list is to overlook the fact that organization can be especially challenging to a person with ADHD. Again, it’s a problem rooted in executive functioning.

“Nobody needs to know you have ADHD”

While it’s certainly true that people don’t need to disclose their ADHD diagnosis to anyone, it’s their decision to make and theirs alone. Suggesting that someone with ADHD should keep their condition a secret can be very damaging. It can make them feel ashamed of their ADHD and cause embarrassment and distress.

Don’t criticize ADHD symptoms

The takeaway is not to criticize ADHD symptoms. Uniformed people can hurt feelings and cause distress by uttering the most offhand of remarks. To avoid anger, resentment, and embarrassment, don’t connect ADHD to a character flaw.

Sources: (Everyday Health) (NHS) (CDC) (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) (World Federation of ADHD) (HuffPost) (Healthline)